Mental Breakdowns...

Yesterday was a rough CF class. We did a light warm up and then the WOD was a 12 min AMRAP of 5 x Back squats (135#) and 5 x DB Strict press (25#). I started off strong because after all- 25 pounds.. that's not that bad even in each hand. The back squats were manageable as well. About five minutes in the fatigue set in and by 10 minutes I could barely feel my arms. The weights turned into the heaviest things I've ever lifted. I just barely pushed out 10 rounds. It was good to finish it. I was beat. My core was 50 sit ups. I managed those without too much issue.

Today was a whole nother story. Mentally I was trying to prepare myself. It looked like a rough WOD today and I was already sore. On the website it was 6 rounds of 10x burpees and 10x muscle ups. When I got there it looked way better- there were two WODs- the first one was reverse rows 5 sets of 3. I did those at 83#. Then the main WOD was still strenuous- 21-15-9 ring dips and box jump burpees. Scaling the ring dips to using the box and sitting on it, then sliding off and using my hands to go down and up. Then moving onto the burpee box jumps I used a 45# plate again and did knee push ups. It literally hit me within the first 5 bbjs- my mind and body said no. This is the first time that I have ever seriously considered just quitting. I took a minute and had to recompose, stop myself from giving in and giving up, and just keep going at my own pace. I did cheat today. I kept losing track of my count. I'm certain I didn't do 21 bbjs. It was probably closer to 19. Not a great day. I don't like not doing what I'm supposed to- and on any normal day I would have over compensated for losing count. But not today. Today I focused on getting up and down and pushing the thoughts of pain and drowning and self loathing and tears away. I finished somewhere around 19 minutes. I can't remember the exact time, but I know it was shortly after another girl who finished just under 18 minutes. After my own personal hell WOD core was 30 supermans.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a trainer. Hopefully I can pick his brain and get some good information for myself. Swimming will start up soon. I'll be ordering a new suit this weekend.